Desire to write, but no will to write
Feb. 4th, 2026 10:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
overmoreAs the title says. I feel like I'm beating the dead horse by saying this, but man, last few weeks have not been that great when it comes to writing things. Got the prompts, got the ideas, but the moment I open the document I cannot make myself do anything. Maybe it's the irl stuff that's being busy that's keeping me from wanting to write normally, but still. A little frustrated.
Maybe writing down what I want to write and what I plan to do will help a bit. I haven't talked much about it here, since I do tend to keep things kinda short most of the time, so maybe trying that again will help. I've mostly shared stuff here that has been just reposted stuff from twitter or5 tumblr, so doing it more could be a way to get into the groove of things again.
Maybe writing down what I want to write and what I plan to do will help a bit. I haven't talked much about it here, since I do tend to keep things kinda short most of the time, so maybe trying that again will help. I've mostly shared stuff here that has been just reposted stuff from twitter or5 tumblr, so doing it more could be a way to get into the groove of things again.
Sky is blue, water is wet, ICE needs to be abolished
Feb. 4th, 2026 02:34 pmerinptahJustice for Keith Porter Jr., shot by an ICE agent who wasn’t even on duty.
Justice for Geraldo Lunas Campos, killed by a guard while imprisoned in an ICE facility.
Justice for Luis Beltrán Yanez-Cruz, died while imprisoned by ICE, from health issues they only made token efforts to treat.
Justice for Luis Gustavo Núñez Cáceres, died while in ICE custody, they did get him to a hospital but not soon enough.
Justice for Parady La, died while imprisoned by ICE, from a medical crisis they didn’t even pretend to treat.
Justice for Heber Sanchez Domínguez, died while imprisoned by ICE, under suspiciously-unclear circumstances.
Justice for Victor Manuel Diaz, died while imprisoned by ICE, under suspiciously-unclear circumstances.
A US attorney in the Minnesota courts, who only didn’t quit because her job includes processing the release orders for ICE’s onslaught of detentions, “told U.S. District Judge Jerry Blackwell on Tuesday, “I wish you would just hold me in contempt of court so I can get 24 hours of sleep.”” (Since then, she’s been fired. Commentary from rahaeli: “I hope the poor woman gets her 24h of sleep before filing her whistleblower retaliation lawsuit“)
Elected Democrats are actually fighting this. It’s a shame they don’t have the numbers to just out-vote every single atrocity Republicans are hot for. Can this be the year the voters figure that out, and finally elect more Democrats?
As if all of the above wasn’t enough reason, here’s some more: “Democrats Successfully Strip All Anti-Trans Riders From Final Appropriations Bills“
Can we vote out the party that keeps designing the anti-trans riders in the first place? Please?
(no subject)
Feb. 4th, 2026 01:47 pmkradeelav"Coding is like taking a lump of clay and slowly working it into the thing you want it to become. It is this process, and your intimacy with the medium and the materials you’re shaping, that teaches you about what you’re making – its qualities, tolerances, and limits – even as you make it. You know the least about what you’re making the moment before you actually start making it. That’s when you think you know what you want to make. The process, which is an iterative one, is what leads you towards understanding what you actually want to make, whether you were aware of it or not at the beginning. Design is not merely about solving problems; it’s about discovering what the right problem to solve is and then solving it. Too often we fail not because we didn’t solve a problem well but because we solved the wrong problem.
When you skip the process of creation you trade the thing you could have learned to make for the simulacrum of the thing you thought you wanted to make. Being handed a baked and glazed artefact that approximates what you thought you wanted to make removes the very human element of discovery and learning that’s at the heart of any authentic practice of creation. Where you know everything about the thing you shaped into being from when it was just a lump of clay, you know nothing about the image of the thing you received for your penny from the vending machine."
- aral balkan (mastodon)
(bolding mine)
When you skip the process of creation you trade the thing you could have learned to make for the simulacrum of the thing you thought you wanted to make. Being handed a baked and glazed artefact that approximates what you thought you wanted to make removes the very human element of discovery and learning that’s at the heart of any authentic practice of creation. Where you know everything about the thing you shaped into being from when it was just a lump of clay, you know nothing about the image of the thing you received for your penny from the vending machine."
- aral balkan (mastodon)
(bolding mine)
Winter mixtape #2 + yet another Pokemon personality test
Feb. 4th, 2026 04:36 pmhexenprinzessinIt snowed again today, all powdery~✨
In that spirit, here are two more winter song picks.
Slow Snow by mus.hiba
In all the years I've had it on my iPod n whatnot, I never knew this song had a music video!
LOVE ME by BUCK-TICK
This one just soothes my soul and wraps it in a very soft blanket.
A friend (whose favorite band is BUCK-TICK) made a video mixtape for me once and this song was on there. Good thing I'm not one to easily be put off by weird stuff (and already liked BUCK-TICK anyway) because what in the dead chicken... Even though the rest of the music video is really cool, as a vegan, I see it as my duty to opt for the chicken-free audio-only version here lmfao
Also in that spirit, in a way:bedes sent me a link to this Pokemon type personality test. (Thanks again! <3)
Mighty interesting! Fairy was obvious ngl, but the Ice type is something I hadn’t considered before. So accurate though, I can take low temperatures easily but melt in the heat. People have also taken me to be colder than I really am. I was even born in a particularly cold winter!
The speed stat is the biggest callout of my life LMAO, I really do seem to move through this world at a fraction of the pace of everyone else... And I do get knocked offa my feet easily, oh well...
But this, of course, ISN'T EVEN MY FINAL FORM!
I love the recognition of me being a Performer™️, heh 😎
If you're doing this, I'd be really interested in your results!
In that spirit, here are two more winter song picks.
Slow Snow by mus.hiba
In all the years I've had it on my iPod n whatnot, I never knew this song had a music video!
LOVE ME by BUCK-TICK
This one just soothes my soul and wraps it in a very soft blanket.
A friend (whose favorite band is BUCK-TICK) made a video mixtape for me once and this song was on there. Good thing I'm not one to easily be put off by weird stuff (and already liked BUCK-TICK anyway) because what in the dead chicken... Even though the rest of the music video is really cool, as a vegan, I see it as my duty to opt for the chicken-free audio-only version here lmfao
Also in that spirit, in a way:
bedes sent me a link to this Pokemon type personality test. (Thanks again! <3)Mighty interesting! Fairy was obvious ngl, but the Ice type is something I hadn’t considered before. So accurate though, I can take low temperatures easily but melt in the heat. People have also taken me to be colder than I really am. I was even born in a particularly cold winter!
The speed stat is the biggest callout of my life LMAO, I really do seem to move through this world at a fraction of the pace of everyone else... And I do get knocked offa my feet easily, oh well...
But this, of course, ISN'T EVEN MY FINAL FORM!
I love the recognition of me being a Performer™️, heh 😎
If you're doing this, I'd be really interested in your results!
AUTISM DIAGNOSIS (sort of)
Feb. 4th, 2026 10:42 pmincomplete_rulerOkay this isn't a big post. I just wanted to talk about this funny thing that happened as I was doing my self-assessment for ASD ('cause yes. I am a certified autism now). Idk if this is just the criteria in Australia, but either way this is hilarious.
So with the assessment I had to do there were the usual questions around problems with socialising, overstimulation etc., but then there were questions like this:
So with the assessment I had to do there were the usual questions around problems with socialising, overstimulation etc., but then there were questions like this:
Do you like numbers and dates?OF COURSE I LIKE NUMBERS AND DATES. WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!
( Read more... )
AKC Courtneyyyyyy Culture Festival #208: Hirose Natsuki
Feb. 4th, 2026 09:23 amsonofgodzillaI am talking a lot about Team 8 members recently because there were a lot of Team 8 members to talk about. An original member of the team, recruited to represent Kochi Prefecture, Hirose Natsuki auditioned for AKB48 in 2014 and debuted alongside her peers, Abe Mei, Okabe Rin, Okubora Chinatsu, Nagano Serika, Fujimura Natsuki, Onishi Momoka, Kuranoo Narumi, Shitao Miu, Cho Kurena, Hamamatsu Riona, Fukuchi Rena, Honda Hitomi, Yokomichi Yuri, the other Yokoyama Yui, Yoshino Miyu, Oda Erina, Oguri Yui, Yoshikawa Nanase, and Hayasaka Tsumugi. She was on stage during the revival of PARTY ga Hajumaru yo during Team 8's "business trip" to the SKE48 theatre and went on to perform in Nagasaki and Hokkaido during the Team 8 National Tour 〜47 no Suteki na Machi e〜 2015. During PARTY, she shared the stage with Nanase for performances of Hoshi no Ondo, and in Nagasaki, she performed Nageki no Figure, whilst in Hokkaido, she was in the lineup for Blue Rose, a song I always approach with caution and reverie, such is its significance.
Towards the end of 2014, Nacchan began to appear on B sides, firstly the Team 8 theme tune for which their later tour was named, 47 no Suteki na Machi e, a song that made it to the number #1 spot during Request Hour in 2019, just in case you had any doubt as to how significant Team 8 were, and began to make her appearances on successive singles after, all the way up to High Tension. Friends, I don't often get hit with stirrings of fond feelings about a country and its national identity, but 47 no Suteki na Machi e is one of those moments where I really think about how many places on this island nation half the world away I have grown fond of. I know, I know, yes, I am a massive weeb.
In 2015, like other members of her team, she went on to appear in performances of the Aitakatta revival before Team 8 went on tour, continuing her duties on stage all the way through to 2017 when she first announced her impending graduation, and finally, in March of the following year, when Team 8 came full circle with a further revival of PARTY and Nacchan graduated.
Whilst a member of AKB48, I didn't follow Nacchan. In many ways, working on these Team 8 profiles for this silly little Wednesday column that has gone on far too long already and really needs an index post—working on these entries has been a chance for me to get to know many of the unsung heroines of Team 8, a chance to celebrate them. Reading about Nacchan's life, about how she used to cycle two hours there and back to school, about how, whilst in elementary school, she participated in a Yosakoi festival, a celebration of particular form of dance native to Kochi, all of this fills me with a kind of wonder. Underestimating the determination of young girls really is a grave mistake.
Even after graduation, in 2019, during Team 8's concert in Osaka on the cusp of their six-year anniversary, Nacchan returned to stand on stage with her peers once again.
Moments like this give me hope. I really, really want to believe that we will see a Team 8 reunion again soon, and I really, really hope that the occasion will not be Oguri Yui's graduation. Team 8 means so much to so many people, and I really want them to get their chance to celebrate the way I have been able to celebrate original AKB during the last year.
Towards the end of 2014, Nacchan began to appear on B sides, firstly the Team 8 theme tune for which their later tour was named, 47 no Suteki na Machi e, a song that made it to the number #1 spot during Request Hour in 2019, just in case you had any doubt as to how significant Team 8 were, and began to make her appearances on successive singles after, all the way up to High Tension. Friends, I don't often get hit with stirrings of fond feelings about a country and its national identity, but 47 no Suteki na Machi e is one of those moments where I really think about how many places on this island nation half the world away I have grown fond of. I know, I know, yes, I am a massive weeb.
In 2015, like other members of her team, she went on to appear in performances of the Aitakatta revival before Team 8 went on tour, continuing her duties on stage all the way through to 2017 when she first announced her impending graduation, and finally, in March of the following year, when Team 8 came full circle with a further revival of PARTY and Nacchan graduated.
Whilst a member of AKB48, I didn't follow Nacchan. In many ways, working on these Team 8 profiles for this silly little Wednesday column that has gone on far too long already and really needs an index post—working on these entries has been a chance for me to get to know many of the unsung heroines of Team 8, a chance to celebrate them. Reading about Nacchan's life, about how she used to cycle two hours there and back to school, about how, whilst in elementary school, she participated in a Yosakoi festival, a celebration of particular form of dance native to Kochi, all of this fills me with a kind of wonder. Underestimating the determination of young girls really is a grave mistake.
Even after graduation, in 2019, during Team 8's concert in Osaka on the cusp of their six-year anniversary, Nacchan returned to stand on stage with her peers once again.
Moments like this give me hope. I really, really want to believe that we will see a Team 8 reunion again soon, and I really, really hope that the occasion will not be Oguri Yui's graduation. Team 8 means so much to so many people, and I really want them to get their chance to celebrate the way I have been able to celebrate original AKB during the last year.
Dance name
Feb. 4th, 2026 06:56 amgaladhirSo, every time I sign up to do a solo, there's a place on the form for my dancer's pseudonym, and every time it makes me think 'should I have a dance name?' and 'if I should, what should it be?
I don't feel happy about just awarding myself an Arabic name, so these are the three choices I've managed to come up with:
Ursula Ogg - after Ursula the octopus villain, and Nanny Ogg the witch. I'll be honest, the main driver for choosing either of these names is that I'm fat. Nanny Ogg is my favorite Discworld witch, but I feel no connection to the idea of witchery in general, and if I was to choose a favorite villain, Ursula wouldn't be on that list at all. So basically I just chose this because they were two cool people who were also fat.
AElfgifu - means 'Elf-gift' and is my favourite Anglo-Saxon name. I am Anglo-Saxon myself so this would be a safe cultural bet.
Athalia - means 'God is exalted' and is a Biblical name. I would like for my name to exalt God, and there's a long tradition among Christians to grab names out of the Bible, so if it's cultural appropriation, it's a long standing one.
Now I've put them all down I think Ursula is off the table and I just need some help choosing between AElfgifu and Athalia.
I feel more of a personal connection to AElfgifu through my years of Anglo-Saxon re-enactment, but I might need to give pronunciation tips with it, which would be a faff. (It's pronounced 'Alfg-aye-vuh')
On the other hand Athalia would be a new start, it doesn't require an Old English primer to pronounce, and of all the names it's the only one that made my heart leap a little.
What do you think? Athalia? Something else entirely?
(There's a lady I follow on Tumblr who is of a similar build to me and her dance name is Ursa Major, which I think is fantastic.)
Media review: Kamikaze Girls / 下妻物語
Feb. 4th, 2026 01:38 pmautumninpluto
人間は、大きな幸せを前にすると急に臆病になる。
幸せを勝ち取ることは、不幸に耐えることより勇気が要る。Humans suddenly become cowards in the face of great happiness.
It takes more courage to grasp happiness than endure misfortune.
Summary: Momoko is a high schooler who loves Rococo and lolita fashion. She moves to a rural town called Shimotsuma after her father gets into trouble for selling counterfeit clothes. There, she meets a female biker gang (bōsōzoku) member named Ichiko, and the two develop an unlikely friendship.
I rewatched Kamikaze Girls after many years. I remember watching it for the first time when I was around 14 and blogging about it, but that blog seems to have been wiped from the internet for some reason.
Coming-of-age stories seem to hit me a lot harder when I rewatch them as an adult. I think it's because of the nostalgia, coupled with the feeling of knowing that everything will turn out okay.
Yapping about the movie below; CWs: spoilers for the movie (of course) + some screencaps + some social commentary on the bōsōzoku sub-culture and its roots in nationalistic/right-wing ideology.
( 1518 words )
Rating: 9/10
'Tis good to be awake
Feb. 4th, 2026 05:17 amrequiemsFinished base Shadowbringers, once again. Goodness it's so peak. Ryne breaking away from her fated life of passivity, choosing to fight for herself, much the reflection of stasis in light and activity in darkness... Emet-Selch being the only villain to get down onto your level, repeatedly, over eons, and you were the sundered's last chance and he still found you wanting. How he has spent millennia wanting to get back someone who sacrificed themselves and that sticks in the weave when he makes for himself his memory of a city. A city that is vast and beautiful and haunting and then he shows you it being destroyed. That you cannot be stewards to a star plagued by something that they in their infinite wisdom did not understand. That he misses and grieves the fractured soul of the one he was told to forget... only for you to have been in front of him this whole time. The loneliness, the grief almost destroyed him. He brought his all to bear against you... and lost. There's no fanfare on his defeat, because you understand the lengths he would go to to save the world completely, as you have likewise done the same. Greatest villain of all time.
And G'raha's yearning and the soft smiles between him and the wol in the moments after when he picks up the mantle of narrator, man, no wonder I folded. He is in love with the ideal of you but has come to know you again yourself and I cry, I cry so much. I love a catboy.
I don't know if I'll go into Endwalker right away with Khlip, I might break with a different game first and then come back to it, but my plan is to play through to 5.3 at least for maximum catboy feelings - before that I need to do Cylva's quest tomorrow so I can have her for the inn scene. I'm also going to get nier and probably Eden up, though the prior is priority. Nier glam is simply too good.
I did have to take a break over the weekend for drives in Overwatch so finishing SHB was a little belated after doing Amaurot - drives started a day later than usual (Friday instead of Thursday) which meant I had to face the weekend crowd and it was the epitome of hell. Friday I made it through three tiers easily enough, Saturday I watched my score be twenty away from the threshold three times and it was so gruelling, I've never had it so bad before 💀 I spent nine continuous hours at just that one tier rip. It's done, though! And best of all I at least reached my six month long gold weapon's for all women competitive points grind with one to spare, so next week I'll pick those up.
As for the spare... we're getting a spotlight tomorrow of what's to come in the next year (harrowing, anxiety laden experience) so we'll see how many women get revealed as heroes for the roster, if any. My wishes for heroes are almost entirely omnics atp but there have been feelers for precisely none of them so I don't hold out much hope. Give! Robots!! Put!!! Max!! In!!! The game!!!!
"But Rems he's an accountant not a fighter" I DONT CARE he owns a casino though he's not allowed to gamble and is set up in Monaco, give him shit with cards and suits and luck and probability and calling in hits, he's the longest standing lore hero that isn't in the game at this point. He has a voice! He has recorded lines! He's the most intriguing of the lot as he modified himself to be more palatable to humans, so he blinks, he does idle motions with his hands, give me Max.
And also Bars. I want Ashe's second ok. And Luna. I'm going to make a songstress work somewhere ok.
Otherwise my wishes are fairly basic: I want Ashe lore, I want old battlepass content made available for Ashe cosmetics, and I want new maps. But I'm worried about all the change-ups they're going to put in for no real reason again, especially when this season was already a mess thanks to the aim assist being shoehorned in that will finally be reverted next week, just in time for whatever else they do... weeps.
I'm also wary of Vendetta and what they're doing with her as they're pushing her extremely hard, and after a whole season of it I figured out that my problem with is it's all set up right now with no pay off (yet).
( the wolf in the room: Vendetta )
And G'raha's yearning and the soft smiles between him and the wol in the moments after when he picks up the mantle of narrator, man, no wonder I folded. He is in love with the ideal of you but has come to know you again yourself and I cry, I cry so much. I love a catboy.
I don't know if I'll go into Endwalker right away with Khlip, I might break with a different game first and then come back to it, but my plan is to play through to 5.3 at least for maximum catboy feelings - before that I need to do Cylva's quest tomorrow so I can have her for the inn scene. I'm also going to get nier and probably Eden up, though the prior is priority. Nier glam is simply too good.
I did have to take a break over the weekend for drives in Overwatch so finishing SHB was a little belated after doing Amaurot - drives started a day later than usual (Friday instead of Thursday) which meant I had to face the weekend crowd and it was the epitome of hell. Friday I made it through three tiers easily enough, Saturday I watched my score be twenty away from the threshold three times and it was so gruelling, I've never had it so bad before 💀 I spent nine continuous hours at just that one tier rip. It's done, though! And best of all I at least reached my six month long gold weapon's for all women competitive points grind with one to spare, so next week I'll pick those up.
As for the spare... we're getting a spotlight tomorrow of what's to come in the next year (harrowing, anxiety laden experience) so we'll see how many women get revealed as heroes for the roster, if any. My wishes for heroes are almost entirely omnics atp but there have been feelers for precisely none of them so I don't hold out much hope. Give! Robots!! Put!!! Max!! In!!! The game!!!!
"But Rems he's an accountant not a fighter" I DONT CARE he owns a casino though he's not allowed to gamble and is set up in Monaco, give him shit with cards and suits and luck and probability and calling in hits, he's the longest standing lore hero that isn't in the game at this point. He has a voice! He has recorded lines! He's the most intriguing of the lot as he modified himself to be more palatable to humans, so he blinks, he does idle motions with his hands, give me Max.
And also Bars. I want Ashe's second ok. And Luna. I'm going to make a songstress work somewhere ok.
Otherwise my wishes are fairly basic: I want Ashe lore, I want old battlepass content made available for Ashe cosmetics, and I want new maps. But I'm worried about all the change-ups they're going to put in for no real reason again, especially when this season was already a mess thanks to the aim assist being shoehorned in that will finally be reverted next week, just in time for whatever else they do... weeps.
I'm also wary of Vendetta and what they're doing with her as they're pushing her extremely hard, and after a whole season of it I figured out that my problem with is it's all set up right now with no pay off (yet).
( the wolf in the room: Vendetta )
Time out
Feb. 4th, 2026 05:26 amvriddyGoing on a Discord time-out for a few days (longer would probably be better, but let's start where we can). My skull feels like a hedgehog turned inside out with all the spikes drilling into my brain lately, and synchronous conversations (or even just the possibility of it) are like electric shocks running up and down the spikes.
I don't know why I'm always working so hard to find metaphors that probably only make sense to me. "And today's headache is... drilling into my brain through the temple! ...cerebellum massage with boxing gloves...!"
....I actually didn't know this bit was called cerebellum hahaha I thought it was the amygdala. Nothing like looking at diagrams of brain slices in the morning.
I wanted to post a book rec so it's not all eldritch hedgehogs and brains, but the BuJo with the rec I was thinking of is out of reach... Hm. Here are a couple of other books I enjoyed more recently though!
- August Kitko and the mechas from space, by Alex White. With its bright pink cover, you know it's going to be as crazy as the title suggest, and it was a ton of fun! With mechas! From space!! Haha. Crack treated seriously at its finest. Fun premise, set a few hundreds years in the future, and written so well. Loved that one of the MCs was a bisexual dude and the second MC/love interest is nb with they/them pronouns. Not plot relevant, it just is. Great space opera overall.
- A Darker Shade of Magic, by VE Schwab, which I got from a rec here (I mean I get like 90% of my book recs from my Dreamwidth reading page at this point I believe :D Thank you all!). Wonderful worldbuilding, wonderful writing, great characters. Great concepts, used really well. The kind of books that makes me want to write. I'm impatiently waiting for my library hold on the second one to be released!!
To quieter brains and asynchronous conversations! \o/ Please be patient with me if you expect a reply from me on discord. Or Dreamwidth, for that matter. My inbox is not quite empty yet but I'll get there, in time :D <3
snowflake challenge #4 💬❄️
Jan. 18th, 2026 10:59 pmluvcrumbs
Challenge #4 Rec The Contents Of Your Last Page
Any website that you like, be it fanfiction, art, social media, or something a bit more eccentric!
actually, i don't use many websites aside from the big ones. that's something i'd like to change, and the reason why i wish i used dreamwidth more.
could be my autism (it totally is), but i adore making lists and tracking everything i do. my accounts in the websites i visited for that purpose have been forgotten for some years, and i've been slowly updating them recently.
- listography, just lists and lists and lists. i'd spend a long time there when i was 18 years old, still in quarantine. i adored to click explore and see others peoples worlds. i had many more, but they had been privated as they are way too old. others, like the media list still public, need an update but are not thaaaaat far away, i think.
- letterboxd, to track the films i watch. i'm abusing my streaming services privileges while i exercise, so there will be constant updates. though, i'm still too shy to leave written reviews and follow people.
- goodreads. this one is a mess. i completely forgot about this account for years... so yeah, it's still a work in progress. if you check it, don't judge what i've read or what i have in favorites!!!! i'm still going through my library (and memory)
quick update
Feb. 3rd, 2026 09:56 pmluvcrumbsnote: when editing the post i accidentally deleted two bullets *sobs* i hope you hadn't seen that.
it has been a while since i last wandered around here.
january has been a lot... applying for internships, reading three books a week, daily exercises, cleaning up what had piled up during the second half of 2025, trying to mantain a social life, fighting the second hand i have now phone after mine was stolen, andstruggling with mental health (all while melting in the summer heat)... i blinked and it's suddendly february.
i wanted to post an update on what i've been working on, even in the middle of the chaos.
it has been a while since i last wandered around here.
january has been a lot... applying for internships, reading three books a week, daily exercises, cleaning up what had piled up during the second half of 2025, trying to mantain a social life, fighting the second hand i have now phone after mine was stolen, and
i wanted to post an update on what i've been working on, even in the middle of the chaos.
- hey sweetheart one shot from
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
ficwip: probably the longest one shot i've written until now (that's not a lot but still). i have a strong take on surveyor and emergency transport and i want to share it. they are so doomed and hungry and a mess... a hot, tragic mess i can never shut up about. - drabbles: whether from 100words , ficwip's biweekly drabbles or vocab_drabbles, they had been my salvation when i feel insecure about my skill (which is stupid!!!! why do i compare myself? why am i putting so much pressure on myself?) 100 words had helped me practice without expecting high stakes, but still feeling proud of mysef once done <3 i have so much fun with them.
- summer ficlets: i just love tooth rotting fluff. i've been using the prompts in this bingo. for now, i'm focusing on those prompts that could be part of this modern AU where they (luchino and eli, who else!!!!!) are in a established relationship. that means summer fling will have to wait.
- we eat doves post mortem drabble fest: from this community i found last time i checked dreamwidth! love the concept, love the prompts. even when i already have so much on my plate, i wanted to give it a try... then i realized i don't think i will add my fills to the collection. what if someone sees the profile and calls me out? it's just my anxiety talking, oh.
3SF 26 #16
Feb. 4th, 2026 12:13 amraisedbymooglesidk i guess i was just feeling poetic today
Transformers G1/Beast Wars, the Optimii - Any crossover, encounter between characters with the same or similar names
TMNT, Leo, Raph - a scene of what the characters are doing today
FF7, Sephiroth & OC - exploring ruins
Transformers G1, Starscream - haiku
Silksong, Hornet - silk
Stardew Valley, hat mouse - tiny house
Transformers G1/Beast Wars, the Optimii - Any crossover, encounter between characters with the same or similar names
TMNT, Leo, Raph - a scene of what the characters are doing today
FF7, Sephiroth & OC - exploring ruins
Transformers G1, Starscream - haiku
Silksong, Hornet - silk
Stardew Valley, hat mouse - tiny house
2025 In Review
Feb. 3rd, 2026 04:06 pmelyusionOne month later...
CAKERA (翔~カケラ~裸) - LAPUTA
I wanted a music category because I love music, but I don't listen to (new) albums much. Need to change that. Anyways, Cakera won out since it's the album with the most amount of songs I like and listened to this year (Jesus, Virgin Cry, Refrain Limit/Drug Habit...), but hopefully in 2026 I can find a new no-skip album that's not B'Day or Thriller or Aku no Hana. The only runner-up for this category is Koi no Yokan by Deftones.
RHYTHM TENGOKU (and Gold)
To be honest, no game I played this year left me a different person. So let's pretend Rhythm Heaven GBA + DS are one game so that I can give them both first place. I <3 rhythm games. I think I should try playing more of them rather than JRPGs.
BREAKING BAD
Pretty tough competition, but Breaking Bad wins because I was so hooked I was watching it in bed and in the school library and shit. Normally during in-between time (like between wake and sleep, or between classes) I read stuff or play on my (3)DS(i) while listening to music, not watch things. It's also a popular show, so now I understand jokes I didn't understand before and have full context and everything, so that's awesome. Will I ever watch Better Call Saul? Find out next time...!
THE LEGEND OF HEI II
Beautiful animation, great fights, Nezha, good found family, blatant lesbian bait, tanking (U.S.?) missile strikes in slides, an airplane crash, this movie truly has it all. It's just as good if not better than the first movie :3 I love everyone so much. If anything ever happens to Xiaohei I will blow up at least 2 major cities.
THE COLOR PURPLE
I feel like this one needs no explanation.
Last.fm says my top five artists were BUCK∞TICK, Deftones, Aretha Franklin, and Michael Jackson, while my top fives songs were Ice Cream, Jesus, It Never Rains (In Southern California), Meteor, and DARLIN'. You should believe Last.fm; Spotify be lying for reasons we don't understand yet (and also Last.fm includes songs I listen to that aren't on Spotify).
Didn't use my Switch that much last year lol. My 3DS' activity log says I spent 148 hours and 56 minutes playing last year. 61 of those hours were on the PlayStation emulator, which was definitely 60% Suikoden, 30% Haruka, and 10% other random bs.
( Read more... )
Album of the Year
I wanted a music category because I love music, but I don't listen to (new) albums much. Need to change that. Anyways, Cakera won out since it's the album with the most amount of songs I like and listened to this year (Jesus, Virgin Cry, Refrain Limit/Drug Habit...), but hopefully in 2026 I can find a new no-skip album that's not B'Day or Thriller or Aku no Hana. The only runner-up for this category is Koi no Yokan by Deftones.
Game of the Year
To be honest, no game I played this year left me a different person. So let's pretend Rhythm Heaven GBA + DS are one game so that I can give them both first place. I <3 rhythm games. I think I should try playing more of them rather than JRPGs.
Runner-ups
Grandia, Chrono Trigger, and Final Fantasy IV DS. All great, but they don't have rhythm games, so... I also didn't play a lot of games this year because for the entire first half I was struggling to make myself finish Harukanaru Toki no Naka de. I would've put Where Winds Meet as the winner if I could actually play it orzShow of the Year
Pretty tough competition, but Breaking Bad wins because I was so hooked I was watching it in bed and in the school library and shit. Normally during in-between time (like between wake and sleep, or between classes) I read stuff or play on my (3)DS(i) while listening to music, not watch things. It's also a popular show, so now I understand jokes I didn't understand before and have full context and everything, so that's awesome. Will I ever watch Better Call Saul? Find out next time...!
Runner-ups
PLURIBUS!!! But special mention to The Legend of the Galactic Heroes as well.Movie of the Year
Beautiful animation, great fights, Nezha, good found family, blatant lesbian bait, tanking (U.S.?) missile strikes in slides, an airplane crash, this movie truly has it all. It's just as good if not better than the first movie :3 I love everyone so much. If anything ever happens to Xiaohei I will blow up at least 2 major cities.
Runner-ups
Set It Off, the Mononoke movies, and Ne Zha 2. This almost went to Set It Off until I remembered I watched Hei this year. Ne Zha 2 I think was good, but I so viscerally remember the vomit jokes more than the actually moving scenes... But I also think it's really funny how many times Nezha is called ugly throughout the film and this is resolved not by everyone deciding it's vain to care or by him developing self-love, but simply by him gaining a form that is beautiful. #ChinaBook of the Year
I feel like this one needs no explanation.
Runner-ups
How Do We Relationship (complicated yuri), Princess Jellyfish (just plain fun), Bongchan Story (porn with plot), obligatory Basara (adventure shoujo sweep). Didn't read much because most of the year I was focused on forcing myself to read Elric of Melniboné. Coulda spent that time reading Lenin or something...Various Wrapped™s
Last.fm says my top five artists were BUCK∞TICK, Deftones, Aretha Franklin, and Michael Jackson, while my top fives songs were Ice Cream, Jesus, It Never Rains (In Southern California), Meteor, and DARLIN'. You should believe Last.fm; Spotify be lying for reasons we don't understand yet (and also Last.fm includes songs I listen to that aren't on Spotify).
Didn't use my Switch that much last year lol. My 3DS' activity log says I spent 148 hours and 56 minutes playing last year. 61 of those hours were on the PlayStation emulator, which was definitely 60% Suikoden, 30% Haruka, and 10% other random bs.
( Read more... )
(no subject)
Feb. 3rd, 2026 03:34 pmkradeelavstill mulling over on this line of thought for a while, and there are parts of this i won't share, but doing this zihark doujin At This Particular Time as an extension of me creating art for the Muse as an act of worship - strikes me as quietly... necessary? urgent? to be mindful of as a north star?
thoughtline influenced by:
++ what i previously mentioned about Creating && avoiding "metrics existentialism" ages ago
+ rahaeli mentioning religion studies doing far more for T+S/moderation work than anyone thought. (likely: faith, rituals, how people craft those, instinctively or deliberately....)
+ this post about general insecurities of the new guard of selfshippers (i say 'new guard' because how all of that is worded is completely new to me even though i do recognize some of the adjacent feelings in my 20 years, even though they're not a concern to me anymore * )
+ general social media posts by art peers clearly hinting at existential angst about art not getting the views/clicks online that it used to even a few months ago (even on algorithim-less sites).
+ when a doujin circle member mentioned long ago that the people least likely to be affected by LLM existentialist fear are the ones with an internal calling for their 'outsider' art, however form that may take. (isolated selfshipping, furries and comickers creating elaborate worldbuilding for themselves offline, etc. )
mostly highlighting the 'act of worship' part since as absolutely corny as that sounds on its face, it's a protective veil in terms of ... process? that negates so much of the negative externalities of the above. - hell, maybe one of many reasons why religion/spirituality is so powerful, since it has a habit of getting in between social power structures of the day and individuals, when they choose to believe in something on a smaller scale.
( *it would have been a little mean to me to respond to that post about my personal advice of thinking of it as an active act. creating something, whether art, writing, a fanshrine, etc - as a pilgrimage of sorts. evidence for you and the fates. spirituality has a way of coming in the edges around that, when you give it a home. )
and just... it's funny.
i would be surprised at the coincidence of somehow ending up drawing this doujin precisely when existential anxiety around art was at its highest, but... there's so many of these little "coincidences" around this Muse that have happened over the decades .... nudges, if you will. where it just fell into place that clearly I was meant to do X thing at Y time that's so blindingly obvious in retrospect.
i just don't question it, not anymore.
man, i am so relieved i'm working on this. for so, so many reasons. feels like coming home.
thoughtline influenced by:
++ what i previously mentioned about Creating && avoiding "metrics existentialism" ages ago
+ rahaeli mentioning religion studies doing far more for T+S/moderation work than anyone thought. (likely: faith, rituals, how people craft those, instinctively or deliberately....)
+ this post about general insecurities of the new guard of selfshippers (i say 'new guard' because how all of that is worded is completely new to me even though i do recognize some of the adjacent feelings in my 20 years, even though they're not a concern to me anymore * )
+ general social media posts by art peers clearly hinting at existential angst about art not getting the views/clicks online that it used to even a few months ago (even on algorithim-less sites).
+ when a doujin circle member mentioned long ago that the people least likely to be affected by LLM existentialist fear are the ones with an internal calling for their 'outsider' art, however form that may take. (isolated selfshipping, furries and comickers creating elaborate worldbuilding for themselves offline, etc. )
mostly highlighting the 'act of worship' part since as absolutely corny as that sounds on its face, it's a protective veil in terms of ... process? that negates so much of the negative externalities of the above. - hell, maybe one of many reasons why religion/spirituality is so powerful, since it has a habit of getting in between social power structures of the day and individuals, when they choose to believe in something on a smaller scale.
( *it would have been a little mean to me to respond to that post about my personal advice of thinking of it as an active act. creating something, whether art, writing, a fanshrine, etc - as a pilgrimage of sorts. evidence for you and the fates. spirituality has a way of coming in the edges around that, when you give it a home. )
and just... it's funny.
i would be surprised at the coincidence of somehow ending up drawing this doujin precisely when existential anxiety around art was at its highest, but... there's so many of these little "coincidences" around this Muse that have happened over the decades .... nudges, if you will. where it just fell into place that clearly I was meant to do X thing at Y time that's so blindingly obvious in retrospect.
i just don't question it, not anymore.
man, i am so relieved i'm working on this. for so, so many reasons. feels like coming home.
Picnic Under the Stars
Feb. 3rd, 2026 03:57 pmorangeblossomteasFigured I might as well post this here since I didn't manage to write anything else for the event.
Rating: G
Characters: Jounouchi Katsuya
Word Count: 212 (AO3 says 199 and I have no idea why)
Event/Prompt: Jounuary 2026/Week 1 - Stars
( Read more... )
Rating: G
Characters: Jounouchi Katsuya
Word Count: 212 (AO3 says 199 and I have no idea why)
Event/Prompt: Jounuary 2026/Week 1 - Stars
( Read more... )